


forever and ever, amen

by sourcheeks



Category: Daredevil (Comics), Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Catholic Guilt, Catholic Rosary, Catholicism, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Prayer, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27148051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourcheeks/pseuds/sourcheeks
Summary: "The most important thing," Sister Maggie's voice echoed in his head, "is self restraint."
Relationships: Matt Murdock/Franklin "Foggy" Nelson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	forever and ever, amen

The rosary is a solid, stable presence in Matt's hands, the worn wooden beads familiar and comforting. The indentations of the small rose carvings press against the pads of Matt's thumbs. 

The rosary had been a gift from Sister Maggie, for the first birthday he'd had in the orphanage. It's red, she had told him, because Matt had told her that when he could see, his favorite color was red. He wondered if the beads were still red, or if the stain had been worn away by nearly two decades of prayer. 

He pressed the small silver cross to his forehead, his sternum, either shoulder. "I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, His only son, our Lord…"

Sometimes Matt wasn't sure he believed the words in the Apostle's Creed. His faith had been waning. But the ritual was still soothing. His fingers moved along the beads, Our Fathers and Hail Marys coming to his lips by rote. You were supposed to reflect on the Mysteries of the Gospel when you prayed. 

Matt wasn't thinking about the Gospel. 

_Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name._

He thought about showing Foggy his rosary, Foggy's fingers closing over his own as Matt showed him how to count the beads. 

_Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven._

Foggy was across the room pretending to sleep. 

_Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us._

Foggy wasn't asleep. Matt didn't need super hearing to know that - Foggy snored. 

_And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil._

He liked hearing Matt pray. He never said so, but Matt knew. 

_For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen._

He pretended to sleep or he waited outside the door to their door room with bated breath and a quick pulse. 

_Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee._

Matt wondered if he'd woken Foggy. No. He was pretty sure Foggy hadn't gotten to sleep yet before Matt had started praying.

_Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus Christ._

Foggy didn't know Matt knew he was sitting up in bed, watching Matt. 

_Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death._

Matt liked Mary. His faith in God waxed and waned, but Mary was a constant, steadfast presence, the mother he'd never had. 

_Amen._

Was she listening to his prayers? Could she see inside of his head, see the things he thought about Foggy?

_Glory be to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit._

The rose carvings on the wooden prayer beads dug painfully into Matt's skin as he clutched them tighter than was wise. 

_As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be._

Foggy thought about him too. He didn't think Matt knew. But he did. 

_World without end. Amen._

Matt could have him if he wanted. 

_Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of Hell and lead all souls to Heaven, especially those most in need of Thy mercy. Amen._

"The most important thing," Sister Maggie's voice echoed in his head, "is self restraint."

_Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope._

"We all have sinful urges, Matthew. But we can choose not to act on them."

_To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve._

Matt had never thought it could be so difficult to _not_ do something. 

_To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears._

His voice broke against the words. He forced himself to regain his composure. 

_Turn, then, oh most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this, our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Oh clement, loving, sweet Virgin Mary._

If he cried, Foggy would stop pretending to sleep. 

_Pray for us, oh holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ._

Pray for me. Please, Matt added silently in his head. 

_Oh God, whose only-begotten Son, by His life, death and resurrection, has purchased for us the rewards of eternal life, grant, we beseech Thee, that meditating on these mysteries of the most holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary, we may imitate what they contain, and obtain what they promise, through the same Christ our Lord. Amen._

He was reminded that he was doing it wrong. 

_May the divine assistance remain always with us._

He was meant to be thinking of the Gospel. 

_And may the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen._

Not how Foggy's arm felt under his hand, guiding Matt across campus. Not Foggy's bright laugh, his casual affection. How easily he loved Matt, expecting nothing in return. 

_In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen._

Matt's hands trembled violently as he crossed himself. The rosary fell from his hands, and Matt finally started to cry. 


End file.
